5“He didn’t want to be a husband anymore. I got tired of trying to be a wife. That was the time I got the most depressed. When you are fighting and trying to keep a relationship, and the person really doesn’t want to be there…it’s hard. I didn’t want to become bitter. I realized I needed to get out. It wasn’t good for my boys, for them to feel the tension, to see me depressed. I didn’t want them to grow up thinking this was the norm, for mom not to be happy and dad can do whatever he wants to do. That’s not an image I wanted my sons to have. After I separated from my husband, my kids and I went to live in a women and children’s shelter. We were there for 6 months. I got a job working at the post office, and we moved into an apartment. Not long after, the post office laid off a lot of people including myself. I had my boys go live with their dad while I was unemployed. I was doing temp work making 12 dollars an hour, but I couldn’t afford to pay for my apartment. I had no choice but to move out. That kinda threw me into a series of staying at friends’ houses, a coworker let me stay at her place a few times, I was going back and forth bouncing around, then I was staying at hotels. Going through the hotels, it drained my money. I was basically running out of my money, trying to make it to my next payday. The only choice I had was to go live in my car. It can be very scary, being a female. There are people who care about me that don’t like the idea that I’m doing it. But they have no ability to do anything for me at this point, because of their own situation, or they’re not physically here. I haven’t told my dad because I don’t want him to worry, I haven’t told my boys because I don’t want them to worry. Thankfully I got permission from my work to allow me to stay in the parking lot. I’m fortunate to even have that option. It’s not an ideal situation, but there’s blessings in what I’ve been through at the same time. I’m passed the point of being embarrassed having to live in a car. I focus on what a blessing it is to even have a car to sleep in. I’m patiently waiting for God to work on my behalf, while I’m looking for a place. I have a decent job working as a buyer’s assistant for an exporting company. I can afford a small apartment now, but the hardest part of being homeless is trying to fill out applications to get into a place and everybody wants 3 years of residency. How do you put on your application that you’re homeless? And they be willing to take a chance with you. It is depressing to be in this situation, where you are trying to do your best, but it seems like your best is not good enough. I fight depression with the struggles I’ve gone through, but I refuse to give up. I’m definitely grown more in faith, it’s a faith journey for me.”

 

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